I have the solution to all of our problems, at least in terms of Iraq. What is the first rule of warfare? Know thy enemy? Probably. What do our enemies fear? Why, naked women and pork-based products, of course. How do we incorporate naked women and pork-based products into our military campaign? By airdropping millions of copies of the finest in "men's sophistic publications" and tons and tons of Grade F bacon (we will keep all the Sizzlean here, in America, for our consumption). As a result, our enemies would go berserk. Weapons like these would be more effective than anything our nation's defense contractors could devise. And why not up the ante by including used tampons? The war would be over within a week. I think I will call the Pentagon tonight.
In conclusion, the National League's reluctance to institute the position of "Designated Hitter" is ridiculous. Besides the fact that most pitchers are terrible at batting and thus tend to be an automatic out, why have pitchers use their arms any more than is necessary? Really. Explain it to me. I dare you. Without quoting Bull Durham, please. Thanks.
2 comments:
You're strange.
I think you should definitely call the Pentagon.
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