It Might Prove Comical, But It Could Cost You Your Job!

That’s a quote from a training video I watched during my first day of work at Marshalls in August of 1991. I shall always remember that video. I might write more about that in the future. That’s a tease.

We had a meeting at work this afternoon about insider trading. Why? I can’t tell you! What I learned from the presentation given by a doughy financial guy and his accompanying video, which must have been produced in the late eighties judging by the eyewear of certain actors, are the following facts:

1. You may not sell any company stock you possess at any time.
2. You may not discuss any company stock you possess with anyone, not even yourself.
3. It is illegal to possess any company stock you possess at any time.

The presentation was a bit dull (NO!) but the video was kind of funny in a retro/overdramatic kind of way. Although it wasn’t quite as dramatic as the testicular cancer video I had watch in my senior year gym class in high school:

"Hey, son. You look kind of down. What’s wrong?"

"Dad, I got a lump."

"A lump? Where?"

"It’s on my...it’s on my...it’s on my nut."

And scene!

Who are these actors in these instructional videos? Most of these guys and gals take their roles far too seriously. Or not at all. In the video I watched today, I thought the man arrested (in public, a la Law & Order, with snappy one-liners) for insider trading was going to cry when confronted later on by a corporate middle-wig (played by Eric Roberts wearing a dojo): "I JUST WANTED A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR MYSELF!" Calm down, bitch. You should take a cue from the guy playing the FBI agent who arrested you; he was about as animated as HAL 9000.