Yard Sale!

On May 26, I helped Jess with her yard sale. She's moving into a new-to-her apartment in the nearest of futures, all the way across the street, and she wanted sell some possessions she had accumulated over the years (e.g., obscene finger puppets), and to make some serious scratch, since the feds had shutdown her startup organ bank. Damn you, craigslist!

Jess was nice enough, for once, to let me bring some items of my own to sell. Until then, I had not been aware of the number of colorful, i.e., bat-shit crazy, people who might attend a yard sale, and they made their presence known in full force that day.

First, there were the two women, whom Jess and I referred to as "the women." I'm not sure where the women were from, but I would have to guess somewhere in the Caribbean, given their accents. What made these two women stand out was their complete case of sticker shock after they learned the outrageous prices Jess was charging. Some of the sale items were priced at SEVERAL DOLLARS! One of the women asked how much the toaster I had brought was, and Jess said five dollars. (I hadn't considered how much to charge for the toaster, since it had only been used a few times, but I never removed the crumbs. Or the blood.) The woman rolled her eyes in disgust and began to barter. Easily aggravated, Jess whipped out her switchblade and said, "Listen, bitches: I think it's time for you to leave."

Later, a very nice homeless woman stopped by and bought, among other items, two VHS tapes of HBO’s Sex and the City. I'm still wondering whether or not she has a VCR. She did have a very nice pair of fuzzy leopard-print slippers.

But much to my surprise, even more than the crazies, was the fact that Jess was selling one of her most prized possessions: a Buck Rogers space helmet, based on the hit NBC 1979 to 1981 series Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. It's an extra-large space helmet, able to contain the most massive of heads, and equipped with several exciting features, including a "Buck Rogers" label across the brim of the helmet that Jess modified herself to say, "Fuck Rogers." Now you too can pretend to be...Fuck...Rodgers...on his latest adventure to thwart the sinister plans of Princess Ardala or whomever…Jess likes to wear the helmet in public and announce, "Hello everyone. It's me, Fuck Rodgers."